POWER, PERIOD.

     A woman in her moon-time (menses) tends to have heightened sensitivity. She sees, feels, and understands things in a more raw and organic manner. She is likely in a truer state, potentially temporarily unswayed by societal conditioning. She is empowered.

   Yes, moon-time is a woman's power period, yet we call her state a "syndrome", and widely refer to her as "bitchy". We tease her on the personal, community, societal, and media levels. The menstruating woman is being reflected as almost unloveable in her time of extraordinary empowerment and vulnerability (an essential source of power). It is logical that this would be off-putting to anyone, anytime of the month, regardless of their gender, rendering them unhappy.

   It is my observation based opinion that society's perception of women on their moons psychically, emotionally, and spiritually affects their well-being. If women approaching their moon knew they were going to be received with respect, regard, tenderness, and appreciation, Potent Moon Sensitivity might look and feel very different to menstruating women, and those around them. Unfortunately, it is accepted to tease, judge, mistreat, and avoid women, all with a perception of something being wrong with them. I observe this to cause "psychic harm", and it is the undeniable mark of an immature, sick society.

   Generally speaking, a woman on her moon is evacuating something which might equate to life-blood. She is going to need certain things to replenish the physical, emotional and psychic energy that is involved. Tenderness, awareness, love, rest, solitude, companionship (of other women, and maybe men too...case by case), good food, and plenty of it, and appreciation are all needed, and of great benefit. A nice flow of good tea seems to be popular as well. 

   It's good to remember that many women spend at least one or two, and sometimes many more days in some sort of pain, minor to extreme. For me, it's lower-back and cramps, for about one or two days. The back pain lasts longer, as it comes before my moon, and lasts well into it. It used to be much more intense. A healthier diet and life-style has impacted my discomfort in a very positive way. This improvement is a microcosmic manifestation of what could be a macrocosmic reality. Healthy energy (food, activity, interactions) yield healthy moon-time experiences.

   Were we, as a society, to treat women as powerful and appreciated during moon-time, we would see a remarkable change in our cultural experience. You (the non-moon-timer) might find yourself being embraced and touched in a deeply warm, nurturing, and healing way, or eating some very nourishing, healing soup prepared by the woman in your world. Perhaps you receive a valuable peace of insight, clear as day, as a result of her heightened attunement. I can tell you, you will be at least as blessed by the flow of her power in your presence as she is blessed by your loving support and acceptance.

   Moon-time is power time. Potent Moon Sensitivity is a gift. Please give this some thought. Then consider changing the way you think and behave in regard to menstruating women, be you the observer or the woman feeling disempowered by her moon experience. 

It's Power. Period.

With Love, from a time of Potent Moon Sensitivity,

Gaia Love One~

ALL ABOUT A BULLY

BULLYING. I know a lot about it....

CONTEXT: When I was in 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade, I was a scholarship student at a prestigious alternative private school for smart, rich kids. It was in the woods of Bellevue.

We used to play boy chase girl/girl chase boy, and though radically unpopular, I was nice to everyone, and so allowed to play, but boys would RUN LIKE HELL from me. I never caught one. For that time from '83-'85, I was considered at least funny looking, among other off-putting prejudice based assessments. This is not meant to be a pity-party. I am processing, and I clearly need a witness or 80.

This girl, Dana, was liked by Benji, a raunchy, mini Billy Idol looking kid, and he wanted to "go with" Dana. Well, Benji was my bully, and Dana, a heathen in training, so she said to Benji "I'll go with you if you are nice to Amelia". This, for Benji, was the ultimate dehumanizing, humiliating punishment that could be bestowed upon him. He made an unforgettable "is it worth it/are you for real" face, took in a deep, defeated sigh, and agreed. She smiled her manipulative, slimy, pretentious smile at him, then at me, and I remember wanting to cry and die, and punch myself and somebody else in the face all at once.

I had a bully every school year as I recall. If no one else was being bullied, at least I was. They are sad, fear-filled, painful memories. Sometimes my teachers were my bullies. Specifically, in 1st and 5th grade; the only two years I spent in mainstream public schools.They accused me of things I didn't do, and degraded and humiliated me regularly. I started up at Summit K-12 in 6th grade, an alternative public school for troubled kids and artists (same difference), aka, real mofos, and I graduated from there, THANK GOD! (Fudged my Danish transcripts written in pencil, and took only one legit class over the course of my junior and senior years. Yes, now you know why I got a scholarship to the smart kids school. (; ) Still, I was bullied there by Danielle, and her gang of grouchy-girls until I left to be an exchange student in Copenhagen.

Anyway, I am in the process of recovering my heart, and have arrived at the moment of remembering my many bullies. Bullying is truly destructive to the young, developing psyche in general. Add deep, repressed trauma, and you get quite the bang for your bullying buck. I needed to feel safe at school, and many times, I didn't.

I played by myself a lot. Got hurt by myself, got lost, left behind, left out, kicked out, bitched out....today, it makes me angry. It makes me angry because I am about to let it all go, and I'm going through the human emotions that lead up to that. Bullies are sad people, with real problems who create tremendous collateral damage.

If you ever bullied anyone, and you have a chance to account for it, I say go for it. One of my bullies owned up 16 years later (4th grade- he kicked me in the face while swinging on the bars of our privately rented metro bus). It was meaningful to see his true remorse, though I was no longer angry. It just makes me sad to think of it, at least today.

I have had a lot of people treat me like a piece of worthless shit, and eventually I came to treat myself as such in many ways. Not all, though. I have this light, you know? You know....

Today, I cry tears of love to have cleansed my life and my Spirit of the sickness that colored my young years with self-loathing. I'm honest when I say I wouldn't change a thing. Not one. I love who I am today.
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHO I AM TODAY.

My process brought me to this current moment in my human creation.
I am profoundly blessed.

A prayer for the deep sufferers:

Bullies, be lifted into Love. Here is some to get you started:
I love you, and I forgive you, and I am sorry you have been so hurt. You deserved better, and so did I.

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME BECOME THE ONE I AM TODAY.
RECEIVE~

I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!

     Well, actually, I do. In fact, I need your help, yet something is off....

     Whenever possible, give people the help for which they ask, being considerate of your capacity/comfort zone. This may differ greatly from the help you think they need. 

POWERED BY PROVIDENCE

     There are a lot of changes I value coming of my current process (sobriety/recovery). One change I am feeling particularly stoked about is this deepened, firmed sense that I really don't have to say or do anything to please anyone. Previous to now, I have only felt comfort in that freedom to a limited extent, under certain conditions. These days, people might try to tell/sell me something for which I lack interest or need, recommend I do something per a certain process, or get me to say or not say something per their preference, etc. My response equates to 'Nope, that's not where I am coming from and/or not where I choose to go.'

     I have long wanted to arrive at this level of authenticity of essence, lived out. That's not to say I have been inauthentic in the actions and statements I have made. I have been authentic, yet I have felt quite limited by self-judgement and insecure perception. I was contrived when I didn't want to be, manipulative when I didn't mean to be, and self-deceiving without realizing it.

     My comfort with, and offering of my new way, is the truest, most present Me I have ever shared, ever. I find I like and enjoy myself and others more than before. There is no room or chance for misunderstanding or resentment. There cannot be. With quick, authentic clarity, we move smoothly along to the next part...the good stuff. With a clear understanding of one another, and mutually, informedly deciding to stay the course, we get to venture more deeply into our discovery of our connective, reflective terrain. We journey together through an open, healthy world of growing intimacy. My God, I have wanted this!

     I wish to share that, previously, I struggled with living out my most authentic essence consistently, and the intimacy described above was achieved on a very limited basis. There have been parts of me I did not want to see or be, and that were not surrendered. Aspects of me which I was sure the god of my heart and understanding could not accept, and especially not love, let alone any earthly human. I deemed these parts of me unacceptable, yet they were so tightly woven into my Self, and I could not figure out how to shake them.

The injury of self-hate requires potent, fearless healing. It has been very painful at times. But, recovery turned out to be just the bumpy, bouncy, spinning, crazy-ass ride to effectively jettison all that extraneous, ill-fitting, rotten, toxic old gunk for good, literally.

     This is the cause and effect of the work I am doing, which is primarily of a spiritual nature. Today, I realize, with gratitude, the low that allowed for this high. Pulled between insistent ego and mortified humility, within the last several months, I experienced saying, doing, being everything I did not want, all at once. I met a complete loss of control of my ability to create my life and act from a place of trust and love. I went crazy, for all intents and purposes, and I experienced hitting the bottom. My sense of Self, my spiritual compass, my hope, my dreams, my confidence, my god all seemed to be ripped from me, almost instantly (deceptive perception). But, what was really happening was an emptying out, so I could see, and then sort through, all that had remained with me far beyond it's expiration date, causing the emotional stench leading to my experience of not being able to stand myself.

     This emptying and sorting took the form of a sudden spiritual implosion, resulting in Onemelian miniscule pieces of mental, emotional and spiritual confetti, strewn across everything within my inner view. The clearing, sorting and putting it all back together is not a process that can be rushed, though I gave it my best effort. There is just so much, and many days I have just wanted it to be over!!

     But, oh to be emptied- the sense of having and being nothing- it's among the greatest gifts given me this life, if not the greatest. I have experienced the most fear, confusion, rage, resentment, delusion, hopelessness and disappointment to date, and with that, I have given myself to thorough surrender, bringing me to miracle upon miracle, magic within magic, delivered by a powerful current of Divine Flow. I have visited the darkest corners of my being and psyche, just to bask in fathomless light, healing at a level and rate which can be neither qualified nor quantified, beyond the ascription of being moved by Divine Force.

     What is utterly important, for countless reasons, is I am not finished with this process, and I have not been doing it alone. It has taken the entirety of multiple communities, my closest family, my inner-tribespersons, and every external resource and ounce of energy I could muster to prevail through this process. Above all, it has taken total faith in my Spirit Posse, and a fortified, fully committed, fully utilized, highly activated relationship with Creator, aka the God of my Heart, All that Is and ever will Be....my Dearest One.

     I have immeasurable appreciation for every Soul I have had the honor to encounter, and in some cases, very much include in this most miraculous and magical transformation of this Being I Am. I give praise and glory to One, in the spirit of celebration. My Beloved has been there all along, with unconditional acceptance. It was I who needed to come to trust, and so receive this acceptance. I finally have.

     I love mySelf today :)

     -A Clearheart, aGLO

GRACE

The crazy, awesome order of EVERYTHING!

(Ode to change...)

There is a purpose for everything. 

Each feeling, action,

creation and discovery, 

perceived as sought or not.

Many times, we think 

we did not seek what came, 

and do not want it,

but to think is of the mind,

while it is Soul which seeks,

innately and unceasingly drawn to Love. 

(It seems the suffering we know 

is the writhing of the Soul,

reaching for Love, 

from the confines of a body, 

ruled by a mind willing to pull away from it).

* "what you resist persists,

what you accept, disappears" 

Sense the grace of gifts received....

Frequently negatively contextualized,

chaos is grace, unimagined, 

unrecognized, unappreciated,

resisted...denied.

Behold!

~THAT CHAOS FELL THE STARS

FROM WHICH WE ARE GROWN~

Such grace is this!

Yes, there is a stunningly inspiring 

purpose for every thing that Is. 

Grace is all ways, in all things, 

It is the nature of the Cosmos.

We need only allow ourselves to receive,

full Heart, AllSoul~

"Receive to believe"

A Clearheart~

*(quote from Conversations with God)

BOUNDARIES = FREE PIE! (I hope you like 'humbleberries")

     Holy humbleberry juice!

     I discovered a correlation between two interactions I had, both involving a lack of boundaries and communication. My observation revealed that people who don't have good boundaries, or any at all, hardly know what to say or do when interacting with a person who is trying to utilize boundaries.

     In both cases, the persons with whom I was communicating eventually just dropped out. I thought is was me for a moment (and it was, but only in part), but when I look at my life full of self-respecting, empowered folks, I see strong, clear, kind responses which create boundaries where and when they are due.

     One dude straight told me my boundaries where wrong for existing and limiting him at all (paraphrasing). Yeah, if I wasn't convinced before he said that.....sheesh.

     It is empowering to know another person's boundaries. I was not modeled good boundaries as a child, and have had to figure it out as I go along, one crossing at a time. As with children, boundaries give us something to bounce off of, so we can move freely and confidently within the space offered. I always feel relieved when someone says "no" or "stop", or gives me parameters for engaging them. My Spirit smiles and says "Yay! Now I know how to honor this manifestation of One I am blessed to encounter." 

     If you tell me your boundaries, I'll tell you mine (:
....well, I'll tell you mine even if you don't tell me yours! And therein is revealed my part in what happened (not with "Dude" above- I served him up a hearty boundary). I was not clear about my boundaries in the other case, though. I would have liked to have been. My Soul intention was to honor the connection. But I approached boundary free, and ultimately, the person went away. I have learned, and I am grateful for the lesson.

I am clear, and accept that giving regard for the boundaries of another must happen in concurrence with the setting of my own boundaries. 

FREE PIE!



~ Gaia

RECOVERY & APPROVAL

     FOR RECOVERY..

   
     One must become untethered from the Self it has known. That Self referred to as "me". That 'you' wants much- certain kinds of attention, recognition, validation, awards, rewards, and power, most often from external sources. 

     Some questions that came to me with recovery:

     Do I know what I like? 
     Do I choose my expression based on what I know others like about me? 
     Do I like anything that hasn't been 'approved'?

     i.e. subjected to external rating, judgment or promotion

     Approved by whom? Capitalists? Radicals? Gurus? Priests? My lover? My family?
What about The Voice within? Has It ever held me in judgment? Have I ever had to prove myself to It? No.

     Q: What is 'recovered' by way of recovery?

     A: Presence in Your Divine Truth-

The truth that you are already filled with an inexhaustible source of power. The truth that you are totally worthy, fully acceptable, and entirely lovable, just as you Are, without fortifying the 'You' by any inorganic means.

     The best things in life are free, though you will likely work for them. But the work will be under your own agency, not that of another, while your work will likely greatly benefit your community. And there will be joy, and the energy for that work will renew itself. Your work will yield spiritual Self Empowerment~

     **My thought and question with this:

We play dress up, wear make up, do the "fake-up", usually to attract a mate or some money or notoriety.

     Why? Tell me what you feel/think. I am open..