In my dream last night, I was the extreme version of my Self that I cannot bear. So angry, hurt, aggressive, forlorn- screaming at, pushing at, and raging against my perceived offender. I could tell my actions were killing the love, and I kept trying to stop and start again, fresh, but I could not sustain it. My fear was enormous. To end the immense suffering, I kept wanting to step out into oncoming traffic, and eventually laid myself down on the sidewalk, kicking my legs like a tantruming three year old, screaming at the top of my lungs "I hate myself"...repeatedly. I woke up feeling very sick in the heart.
The theme/flow of this time, with this great shift, is quite forward today and the last 3 days. It seems to have spiked. So many reporting tremendous suffering, and anger seems to be the driving force. My dream of last night confirms this is some self-hate infiltration.
When another reflects that which we dislike about ourselves, the discomfort experienced often leads to a demand that corrective action be taken. Mistakenly, we want the reflector to be the one to take it, but they are not the source, so no action taken by them can restore us to sustainable peace. If we know we are the source, we go inward for healing. In terms of purely offensive attacks, it is reasonable to say "hey, when you hit me on the head with that baseball bat, it hurts. Stop now." But if they won't stop, then we must move our own head, and that means letting go of whatever made us want to stand there in the first place. Both fear and pride have kept many in a place of hurt. At that point, it is self-inflicted. Courage to let go yields unparalleled results.
It can be 'easier' to get involved in the blame game. It's work-free, while highly counterproductive. It requires no humility, whereas identifying one's own part brings the bitter taste of humble pie. But humble pie is chock full of all the essential nutrients for nourishing and conditioning the heart, mind, and Spirit, so eat up! No one can do more in advocacy for your comfort than you. You know your pain better than any, so it is logical, not to mention empowering, that you be the one to tend that pain. One of the great benefits, among many, is you don't have to wait around for anyone to do anything to be restored to comfort.
All that said, caring for the Self can be quite challenging; to do, with Love, what you know is good for you, knowing that others might push-back, resist, reject, even attempt to punish. Knowing what is good for you is often where we spend the most time feeling lost. It can be frightening to make a choice and gallop out of the gate. But there is protection in authenticity and intention. Together, they form a light-shield that lets the love, but not the lie pass through it.
ANGER: Feel it, name it, determine it's usefulness (it has a purpose), give thanks for it, and then let it burn with everything else that no longer serves you. The tarot card for this time is the Tower, for those who dabble. Also, there is a theme of the card 'Cruelty' (forced endings). The latter is convoluted, as the cruelty is being experienced by those walking the masters path, and in some cases, moving them into anger, resulting in potent, directed power of the negative variety. The cruelty results of the lack of compassion- when the lover's heart turns cold, and the love flow slows, or is even arrested. The 'masters-pathers' are being asked to step-it up, and deeply in.
Third eye display reads:
~SURVIVAL OF THE SPIRITUALLY FITTEST~
....for about a year now.
Whatever this means to you, deepen the practice that keeps you fit. This is a work time. And just as all hard-laborers do, we must rest, eat, and love well to keep the flow sustainable.
Keep your truth flowing out, especially if you find it ugly. Express it as art, whenever possible. Write it, sing it, dance it, paint it, sculpt it out. Or just speak of it with the intention to free it, and yourSelf.
This is a great time for confession....stuff like 'I feel ugly, worthless, lost, dismayed, mean, stupid, like a failure...I did this cruel thing, I lied, I tricked, I stole'...whatever your truth is, better out than in, yes? Yes. Be descriptive. Every detail identified can then call to itself the healing. It has been said "you must name it to banish it". I did not think this was wise or true at one time, but I have learned. In my experience, it does work to name it, then banish it.
The illusion that you are alone, or somehow failing at life because the darkness gets to you, is just that- an illusion. We are all here together, in this dark moment, affecting one another. Every act of care, love, courage and strength is healing to the body of One as a whole, just as every act of hate, harm and cruelty depletes One.
That which you do for yourSelf, you do for others, and that which you do for others, you do for yourSelf. Take care of your Self!
Bless the power of your truth, and may your courage always be triple the weight and strength of your fear.
All ways Love,
Gaia
