POWERED BY PROVIDENCE

     There are a lot of changes I value coming of my current process (sobriety/recovery). One change I am feeling particularly stoked about is this deepened, firmed sense that I really don't have to say or do anything to please anyone. Previous to now, I have only felt comfort in that freedom to a limited extent, under certain conditions. These days, people might try to tell/sell me something for which I lack interest or need, recommend I do something per a certain process, or get me to say or not say something per their preference, etc. My response equates to 'Nope, that's not where I am coming from and/or not where I choose to go.'

     I have long wanted to arrive at this level of authenticity of essence, lived out. That's not to say I have been inauthentic in the actions and statements I have made. I have been authentic, yet I have felt quite limited by self-judgement and insecure perception. I was contrived when I didn't want to be, manipulative when I didn't mean to be, and self-deceiving without realizing it.

     My comfort with, and offering of my new way, is the truest, most present Me I have ever shared, ever. I find I like and enjoy myself and others more than before. There is no room or chance for misunderstanding or resentment. There cannot be. With quick, authentic clarity, we move smoothly along to the next part...the good stuff. With a clear understanding of one another, and mutually, informedly deciding to stay the course, we get to venture more deeply into our discovery of our connective, reflective terrain. We journey together through an open, healthy world of growing intimacy. My God, I have wanted this!

     I wish to share that, previously, I struggled with living out my most authentic essence consistently, and the intimacy described above was achieved on a very limited basis. There have been parts of me I did not want to see or be, and that were not surrendered. Aspects of me which I was sure the god of my heart and understanding could not accept, and especially not love, let alone any earthly human. I deemed these parts of me unacceptable, yet they were so tightly woven into my Self, and I could not figure out how to shake them.

The injury of self-hate requires potent, fearless healing. It has been very painful at times. But, recovery turned out to be just the bumpy, bouncy, spinning, crazy-ass ride to effectively jettison all that extraneous, ill-fitting, rotten, toxic old gunk for good, literally.

     This is the cause and effect of the work I am doing, which is primarily of a spiritual nature. Today, I realize, with gratitude, the low that allowed for this high. Pulled between insistent ego and mortified humility, within the last several months, I experienced saying, doing, being everything I did not want, all at once. I met a complete loss of control of my ability to create my life and act from a place of trust and love. I went crazy, for all intents and purposes, and I experienced hitting the bottom. My sense of Self, my spiritual compass, my hope, my dreams, my confidence, my god all seemed to be ripped from me, almost instantly (deceptive perception). But, what was really happening was an emptying out, so I could see, and then sort through, all that had remained with me far beyond it's expiration date, causing the emotional stench leading to my experience of not being able to stand myself.

     This emptying and sorting took the form of a sudden spiritual implosion, resulting in Onemelian miniscule pieces of mental, emotional and spiritual confetti, strewn across everything within my inner view. The clearing, sorting and putting it all back together is not a process that can be rushed, though I gave it my best effort. There is just so much, and many days I have just wanted it to be over!!

     But, oh to be emptied- the sense of having and being nothing- it's among the greatest gifts given me this life, if not the greatest. I have experienced the most fear, confusion, rage, resentment, delusion, hopelessness and disappointment to date, and with that, I have given myself to thorough surrender, bringing me to miracle upon miracle, magic within magic, delivered by a powerful current of Divine Flow. I have visited the darkest corners of my being and psyche, just to bask in fathomless light, healing at a level and rate which can be neither qualified nor quantified, beyond the ascription of being moved by Divine Force.

     What is utterly important, for countless reasons, is I am not finished with this process, and I have not been doing it alone. It has taken the entirety of multiple communities, my closest family, my inner-tribespersons, and every external resource and ounce of energy I could muster to prevail through this process. Above all, it has taken total faith in my Spirit Posse, and a fortified, fully committed, fully utilized, highly activated relationship with Creator, aka the God of my Heart, All that Is and ever will Be....my Dearest One.

     I have immeasurable appreciation for every Soul I have had the honor to encounter, and in some cases, very much include in this most miraculous and magical transformation of this Being I Am. I give praise and glory to One, in the spirit of celebration. My Beloved has been there all along, with unconditional acceptance. It was I who needed to come to trust, and so receive this acceptance. I finally have.

     I love mySelf today :)

     -A Clearheart, aGLO

GRACE

The crazy, awesome order of EVERYTHING!

(Ode to change...)

There is a purpose for everything. 

Each feeling, action,

creation and discovery, 

perceived as sought or not.

Many times, we think 

we did not seek what came, 

and do not want it,

but to think is of the mind,

while it is Soul which seeks,

innately and unceasingly drawn to Love. 

(It seems the suffering we know 

is the writhing of the Soul,

reaching for Love, 

from the confines of a body, 

ruled by a mind willing to pull away from it).

* "what you resist persists,

what you accept, disappears" 

Sense the grace of gifts received....

Frequently negatively contextualized,

chaos is grace, unimagined, 

unrecognized, unappreciated,

resisted...denied.

Behold!

~THAT CHAOS FELL THE STARS

FROM WHICH WE ARE GROWN~

Such grace is this!

Yes, there is a stunningly inspiring 

purpose for every thing that Is. 

Grace is all ways, in all things, 

It is the nature of the Cosmos.

We need only allow ourselves to receive,

full Heart, AllSoul~

"Receive to believe"

A Clearheart~

*(quote from Conversations with God)

BOUNDARIES = FREE PIE! (I hope you like 'humbleberries")

     Holy humbleberry juice!

     I discovered a correlation between two interactions I had, both involving a lack of boundaries and communication. My observation revealed that people who don't have good boundaries, or any at all, hardly know what to say or do when interacting with a person who is trying to utilize boundaries.

     In both cases, the persons with whom I was communicating eventually just dropped out. I thought is was me for a moment (and it was, but only in part), but when I look at my life full of self-respecting, empowered folks, I see strong, clear, kind responses which create boundaries where and when they are due.

     One dude straight told me my boundaries where wrong for existing and limiting him at all (paraphrasing). Yeah, if I wasn't convinced before he said that.....sheesh.

     It is empowering to know another person's boundaries. I was not modeled good boundaries as a child, and have had to figure it out as I go along, one crossing at a time. As with children, boundaries give us something to bounce off of, so we can move freely and confidently within the space offered. I always feel relieved when someone says "no" or "stop", or gives me parameters for engaging them. My Spirit smiles and says "Yay! Now I know how to honor this manifestation of One I am blessed to encounter." 

     If you tell me your boundaries, I'll tell you mine (:
....well, I'll tell you mine even if you don't tell me yours! And therein is revealed my part in what happened (not with "Dude" above- I served him up a hearty boundary). I was not clear about my boundaries in the other case, though. I would have liked to have been. My Soul intention was to honor the connection. But I approached boundary free, and ultimately, the person went away. I have learned, and I am grateful for the lesson.

I am clear, and accept that giving regard for the boundaries of another must happen in concurrence with the setting of my own boundaries. 

FREE PIE!



~ Gaia

RECOVERY & APPROVAL

     FOR RECOVERY..

   
     One must become untethered from the Self it has known. That Self referred to as "me". That 'you' wants much- certain kinds of attention, recognition, validation, awards, rewards, and power, most often from external sources. 

     Some questions that came to me with recovery:

     Do I know what I like? 
     Do I choose my expression based on what I know others like about me? 
     Do I like anything that hasn't been 'approved'?

     i.e. subjected to external rating, judgment or promotion

     Approved by whom? Capitalists? Radicals? Gurus? Priests? My lover? My family?
What about The Voice within? Has It ever held me in judgment? Have I ever had to prove myself to It? No.

     Q: What is 'recovered' by way of recovery?

     A: Presence in Your Divine Truth-

The truth that you are already filled with an inexhaustible source of power. The truth that you are totally worthy, fully acceptable, and entirely lovable, just as you Are, without fortifying the 'You' by any inorganic means.

     The best things in life are free, though you will likely work for them. But the work will be under your own agency, not that of another, while your work will likely greatly benefit your community. And there will be joy, and the energy for that work will renew itself. Your work will yield spiritual Self Empowerment~

     **My thought and question with this:

We play dress up, wear make up, do the "fake-up", usually to attract a mate or some money or notoriety.

     Why? Tell me what you feel/think. I am open..

GAIA on AMELIA, RECOVERY and THE SHIFT

                                                THE SHIFT = RECOVERY

     
     
     This awareness came with the recognition of extensive addiction, bearing numerous branches, in one I hold most dear. It has been shown, so it can be known. 

     The following is a true story...

     It turns out it was Amelia Love Clearheart who paid the POWER bill. She accrued two and a half months of sobriety (and continuing), and was given to spiritual restoration, and an upgrade of personal empowerment as a result.
It needs to be known that Amelia is afflicted with a most colorful, energetic, passionate, and powerfully creative and destructive gaggle of addictions! She is the beloved one to whom I refer above. 

     As it went, not too long ago, she gave away her power to a Divine human, confusing him with her God. Yet, he was simply of Divine appointment, serving as greeter, muse, and assistant catalyst for the recovery journey for which Amelia had long prayed, and on which she proceeded to embark. Because of her mis-construing, her real God seemed to her suddenly ineffective, as if non-existent. Without her true God, she could not even dance! So commenced the downward plunge. 

     Emptied of faith, full of misguided, indignant will, having perceived the failing of her Higher Power, she rapidly fell, smacking her Spirit with break-neck force upon the frozen ground of her internal abyss; the incubation place of her dark-truth, and slaughter house of hope. Fraught with fear, facing the impending doom of progressive misery, she sobbed a prayer for many days, across 2 moons, to a God she could hardly fathom, let alone feel. 

     As love would have it, the warmth of her earnest tears made supple her frigid, defeated posture, and she began the onerous scaling of fiercely burning, precipitous walls, one searing brick at a time. She lugged with her all the burdens of a her many lifetimes, heavily inching along her slow ascension from her hand-made hell. Sometimes she screamed in angst, other times she laughed in numb mania, incredulous over the persistence of her formidable dis-ease.
     
     At one point, upon looking up, then down, and then up again, she perceived there to be no end to her climb out of the abyss, and nearly resolved to fall back to the ground, where at least she could just lie still, if frozen in failure for all of eternity. Again, she cried, praying her hopelessness to a seemingly absent God. It was with this act of faith, there swelled in her a robust heat. As if one thousand healing hands, reaching from all concealed dimensions, had been placed upon her Spirit. She sensed lift, with such lightness as the infant feels in her Mother's arms. And then, above, there shown a glow- distant, but bright....a steady light that summoned her. And finally, a sound. A gentle murmur, whispering "surrender." In warmth, and lightness, on a breath of trust, she did that which she knew she must. She broke open, and emptied her bag of burdens, released her tense grip from the hot bricks, and reclined deeply into those thousand warm, healing hands. 

    They gave rise! Instantly and effortlessly, she was ascending, and at a more than slow pace, while profoundly gentle. The glow from above grew wider, longer, brighter, filling the breadth of her vision. Was it just a nearing candle, or a distant sun? Neither. It was a glistening in the Eye of God, reflecting her very own lighted heart. By her own luminance, no longer turned downward toward darkness in fear, but upward in weightless willingness, toward Love, her way was radiantly lit. Into her wide, open heart flowed her spiritual power. That of Faith, Love, and Surrender. The Power of Providence.

     And so it Is, this very moment, as I publish this writing. We sit in reflection, Amelia and Gaia, receiving. I encourage, support, protect, and teach her how, and she powers forward with her learnings. One day soon, she will be firm in the acceptance of Who she really Is, and we will freely Be, as One. 
No Her, no Me. Just One.

~
     
     A related understanding of Amelia:

     Amelia loves and wants addicts (to this day), and they love and want her back, fiercely. It is the reflection! She sees herself, and falls in love, as do they, in most cases. But Amelia, in her addictions, is of an untempered ego, wrought with loveless voids, bare of discipline, and holding a debt of humility. The Amelia of equanimity knows her community, and very much her King, also has, or is soon to find, recovery, taking common ground with her. They can be recognized by their serene smiles, indeed, a reflection of her own. And this King, this One who is of and for God, and given to The Shift, will flow freely toward her heart's light. She need only remain open and luminous!

     RECOVERY- this is the revolution we have been envisioning and anticipating. The Recovery is of the Spirit, from the grips of pestilent conditioning, back to the organic nature of the loving instinct. Recovery gives agency over Self, and from there, our wholeness, with health and strength in abundance, can be surrendered to The Body of God. The return to One IS The Shift.

     RECOVER, and DISCOVER TRUE FREEDOM~

     It is said and read, and it is done.

     All ways, 
     Gaia Love One (GLO~)


     P.S. I sure do love me some Amelia! Thank You for all your dedicated work, and getting to the letting go, My Love~

MAKE SOMETHING (Sustainable)

Sometimes (of the month), like now, I can hardly come up with what to say, while (and because) I have so much I sense, see, feel, and the intensity silences me- 
frustrates and invigorates me....
it's something like this-

For a good 20 years
I cared
cried
complained
insisted
resisted
rebelled
tuned in
tuned out
indulged 
ignored
exclaimed
embraced
questioned
judged
improved 
degraded
rejected
and accepted....
all those things- 
in regard to the state and heading of the human community, 
and it's impact on this planet home we call Earth....
this exquisite ball of infinite miracles, with which I fall in love again each new day. 

Every step of the way, all that I have and have not done and felt for the Earth, I have also experienced upon and within mySelf.

Throughout this human existence of mine, there were times I felt there was little I could rely on to help or heal me in a sustainable way, but Earth- yes, always Earth. All ways, all days, despite my contradictory acts, motives, and statements. The vast mercy of Mother- not to be taken for granted. If Mother isn't well, the child can cease to thrive with the quickness.

Now, upon and within me, there is a clearing, brought on by a startlingly deep, and initially, incredibly frightening surrender to what Is, in a way I have never before. I don't claim to have mastered it this time either. I am saying it's a new level for me. 

Today, I find I don't want to hear 'it' anymore. I don't want the memes, the links, the updates, the images, the statistics, the endless centripetal argument, collapsing in upon itself. (Ha, the black hole that will come of that will suck all our problems away, so I suppose it's legit in that context). 
Always preaching to the choir. I'd rather sing with them!

Fucking insanity....doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. If we don't like how it is, we have the option and the capacity to do something different. Different makes the difference. It's all right there in the word. 

In the phrase "make a difference", the operative word is 'make'.

Make art, make a garden, make food, make clothes, make prayer, make meditation, make an invention, make a donation, make a statement, make a stand, make a mistake, make up for it...
MAKE A DISCOVERY
MAKE A COMPROMISE
MAKE PROGRESS
MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF YOURSELF
MAKE A CHANGE...
MAKE LOVE, BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY!

Just make something! It helps.

It has been said that the greatest suffering is a result of a sense of not making progress. People of the most utterly depressed, depraved, and deprived conditions wear and share authentic smiles, streaming with gratitude, because the contrast to their dire situations cause the progress they make to glow brilliantly!

Must it be so dire for us to see the light?
I have observed the answer, and there is logic to it, of the alpha/omega variety. Okay, I accept that. 

So, let's go here:

Are you happy?
If so, is that happiness sustainable?
Do you feel sustainable?
Fill in this blank. Put in as many words as you like:
"If I lost _________, I could not go on."

If it doesn't sprout, spray or sprawl of the earth, peruse the waters, fall from the sky, or cycle organically through your heart, mind, body and Spirit, it is not sustainable, and you will likely come to a moment in your life when you will have to do without it. Those things; the earth, ocean, sky, hearts, minds, bodies, and Spirits- those are the things most compromised at this time. Without the sustenance of nature, there is no life to fill with all our attachments.

SHARE WHAT YOU MAKE, 
and MAKE ANOTHER HAPPY, 
for what you do to and for others,
you do to and for yourself,
and vice-versa....
MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!

Get sustainable.....it's the new, new, New Deal. The only deal, and the closest thing to real in this often daunting, yet ever dazzling dream you can get.

With Love, and lots of Faith,
Gaia Love One~

"I HATE MYSELF" - Regarding this angry time

     In my dream last night, I was the extreme version of my Self that I cannot bear. So angry, hurt, aggressive, forlorn- screaming at, pushing at, and raging against my perceived offender. I could tell my actions were killing the love, and I kept trying to stop and start again, fresh, but I could not sustain it. My fear was enormous. To end the immense suffering, I kept wanting to step out into oncoming traffic, and eventually laid myself down on the sidewalk, kicking my legs like a tantruming three year old, screaming at the top of my lungs "I hate myself"...repeatedly. I woke up feeling very sick in the heart.

     The theme/flow of this time, with this great shift, is quite forward today and the last 3 days. It seems to have spiked. So many reporting tremendous suffering, and anger seems to be the driving force. My dream of last night confirms this is some self-hate infiltration.

When another reflects that which we dislike about ourselves, the discomfort experienced often leads to a demand that corrective action be taken. Mistakenly, we want the reflector to be the one to take it, but they are not the source, so no action taken by them can restore us to sustainable peace. If we know we are the source, we go inward for healing. In terms of purely offensive attacks, it is reasonable to say "hey, when you hit me on the head with that baseball bat, it hurts. Stop now." But if they won't stop, then we must move our own head, and that means letting go of whatever made us want to stand there in the first place. Both fear and pride have kept many in a place of hurt. At that point, it is self-inflicted. Courage to let go yields unparalleled results.

It can be 'easier' to get involved in the blame game. It's work-free, while highly counterproductive. It requires no humility, whereas identifying one's own part brings the bitter taste of humble pie. But humble pie is chock full of all the essential nutrients for nourishing and conditioning the heart, mind, and Spirit, so eat up! No one can do more in advocacy for your comfort than you. You know your pain better than any, so it is logical, not to mention empowering, that you be the one to tend that pain. One of the great benefits, among many, is you don't have to wait around for anyone to do anything to be restored to comfort.

All that said, caring for the Self can be quite challenging; to do, with Love, what you know is good for you, knowing that others might push-back, resist, reject, even attempt to punish. Knowing what is good for you is often where we spend the most time feeling lost. It can be frightening to make a choice and gallop out of the gate. But there is protection in authenticity and intention. Together, they form a light-shield that lets the love, but not the lie pass through it.

     ANGER: Feel it, name it, determine it's usefulness (it has a purpose), give thanks for it, and then let it burn with everything else that no longer serves you. The tarot card for this time is the Tower, for those who dabble. Also, there is a theme of the card 'Cruelty' (forced endings). The latter is convoluted, as the cruelty is being experienced by those walking the masters path, and in some cases, moving them into anger, resulting in potent, directed power of the negative variety. The cruelty results of the lack of compassion- when the lover's heart turns cold, and the love flow slows, or is even arrested. The 'masters-pathers' are being asked to step-it up, and deeply in.

     Third eye display reads:
     ~SURVIVAL OF THE SPIRITUALLY FITTEST~
     ....for about a year now.

     Whatever this means to you, deepen the practice that keeps you fit. This is a work time. And just as all hard-laborers do, we must rest, eat, and love well to keep the flow sustainable.

     Keep your truth flowing out, especially if you find it ugly. Express it as art, whenever possible. Write it, sing it, dance it, paint it, sculpt it out. Or just speak of it with the intention to free it, and yourSelf.

     This is a great time for confession....stuff like 'I feel ugly, worthless, lost, dismayed, mean, stupid, like a failure...I did this cruel thing, I lied, I tricked, I stole'...whatever your truth is, better out than in, yes? Yes. Be descriptive. Every detail identified can then call to itself the healing. It has been said "you must name it to banish it". I did not think this was wise or true at one time, but I have learned. In my experience, it does work to name it, then banish it.

     The illusion that you are alone, or somehow failing at life because the darkness gets to you, is just that- an illusion. We are all here together, in this dark moment, affecting one another. Every act of care, love, courage and strength is healing to the body of One as a whole, just as every act of hate, harm and cruelty depletes One.

     That which you do for yourSelf, you do for others, and that which you do for others, you do for yourSelf. Take care of your Self!

     Bless the power of your truth, and may your courage always be triple the weight and strength of your fear.

     All ways Love,
     Gaia